San Luis and God
I say my mood is reverent because I want to love more than just the gifts God gives me in this world, this life -- but hey -- it's His world and things are pretty sweet right now. When the pain comes, let it come. I'm just not used to being this at peace, so forgive me if I sniff at it like a timid, suspicious stray dog.Here's what happened yesterday when Missy, Sequoia, Mikah and I took a trip. (These are parts of an entry from my journal that I wrote before falling comatose into bed last night):
(in town) We ate lunch at the sandwich shop by the creek. I had a salmon salad. Sequoia had blister drama. We walked to Rite Aid and to the toy store. I saw tiny dinosaurs (we used to call them 'beasties' when I was growning up) and model horses. Breyers! Woah...a total blast from the past. they were beautiful. I was entertained by tiny plastic fish and frogs on lilypads...
(on the beach) Micah loved to stand in the ocean and just look; Sequoia 'OCD' about shells, as Missy said. She has so many questions -- smart. I told them what I know about sand dollars and barnacles -- not enough. We walked to the rocks and rested and turned around. Micah sat in my lap. Again,there was that gorgeous, mellow early-evening light and the gulls and dancing waves and diving pelicans. We walked back and watched an athletic chocolate lab plough through waves in search of a floating ball on a rope...
(farmer's market) We smelled BBQ smoke everywhere. We heard acoustic drum and guitar and voice and a blues band which was louder and drew a crowd. I tasted strawberries and mole/pork tamales. I saw figs and dried fruit and nuts. I touched unripe peaches and soft, hot pretzels. I glimpsed healthy college students and different skin colors, and PFLAG displays, Libertarian booth ('End the War on Poverty!') and heard an evangelist in a wheelchair, talking about how Hell is real. The man next to him silently held up a sign about the need for repentance. As always, I felt judged. There seems to be a touch of cruelty to this approach -- on a summer night when everyone is digging into the ripe world, busy with their lives -- yet there is an inevitable, truthful quality to it as well.I couldn't decide what to eat. Finally, in spite of the threat of too much sugary dissatisfaction, I had a crepe with Nutella, banana, strawberries and whipped crea. Yeah. There was a stream, a surge, of people everywhere -- many strollers and yellow, young lab guide dogs in training...
(driving home) I slept a bit and Missy drove and sang along to a CD in her beautiful, strong voice. She pulled over with about an hour to go and I stumbled into Carl's Junior to pee. The moon was orange and low in the sky and as big as a gas station sign on the horizon. A harvest moon? I've never seen it so big. Now I will sleep, dreaming of the possibility of becoming more educated and qualified as a teacher, and receiving the gift of getting to love deeply, day after day, year after year, even when I want to give up. Thank you, Jesus, for this day!
Thanks for reading, y'all,J
(in town) We ate lunch at the sandwich shop by the creek. I had a salmon salad. Sequoia had blister drama. We walked to Rite Aid and to the toy store. I saw tiny dinosaurs (we used to call them 'beasties' when I was growning up) and model horses. Breyers! Woah...a total blast from the past. they were beautiful. I was entertained by tiny plastic fish and frogs on lilypads...
(on the beach) Micah loved to stand in the ocean and just look; Sequoia 'OCD' about shells, as Missy said. She has so many questions -- smart. I told them what I know about sand dollars and barnacles -- not enough. We walked to the rocks and rested and turned around. Micah sat in my lap. Again,there was that gorgeous, mellow early-evening light and the gulls and dancing waves and diving pelicans. We walked back and watched an athletic chocolate lab plough through waves in search of a floating ball on a rope...
(farmer's market) We smelled BBQ smoke everywhere. We heard acoustic drum and guitar and voice and a blues band which was louder and drew a crowd. I tasted strawberries and mole/pork tamales. I saw figs and dried fruit and nuts. I touched unripe peaches and soft, hot pretzels. I glimpsed healthy college students and different skin colors, and PFLAG displays, Libertarian booth ('End the War on Poverty!') and heard an evangelist in a wheelchair, talking about how Hell is real. The man next to him silently held up a sign about the need for repentance. As always, I felt judged. There seems to be a touch of cruelty to this approach -- on a summer night when everyone is digging into the ripe world, busy with their lives -- yet there is an inevitable, truthful quality to it as well.I couldn't decide what to eat. Finally, in spite of the threat of too much sugary dissatisfaction, I had a crepe with Nutella, banana, strawberries and whipped crea. Yeah. There was a stream, a surge, of people everywhere -- many strollers and yellow, young lab guide dogs in training...
(driving home) I slept a bit and Missy drove and sang along to a CD in her beautiful, strong voice. She pulled over with about an hour to go and I stumbled into Carl's Junior to pee. The moon was orange and low in the sky and as big as a gas station sign on the horizon. A harvest moon? I've never seen it so big. Now I will sleep, dreaming of the possibility of becoming more educated and qualified as a teacher, and receiving the gift of getting to love deeply, day after day, year after year, even when I want to give up. Thank you, Jesus, for this day!
Thanks for reading, y'all,J
posted by Julia Kennedy at 9:50 PM
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